Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize