a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
