Don't make out with my wife yet
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
