so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Boobs speak an international language.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
there is glitter all over my balls
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
