I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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