so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
