it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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