Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
