going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
