I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize