I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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