Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
