Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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