i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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