i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
