Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my phone needs a breathalizer
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
