just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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