Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
