I'm lost and stupid without you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
