i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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