who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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