It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
