he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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