I wish my penis had an off switch
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
