Swine flu is the new snow day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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