tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
