I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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