Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
