She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
