Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
