Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
