just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
