You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize