just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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