i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
