Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
