May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im holly from the hills drunk
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
