I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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