Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
