I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
