So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Mom said you looked used
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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