yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize