Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
