Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
