you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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