it was like his penis was on wheels.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
