I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
