Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
