420 ftw
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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