i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
