i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
