I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
too bad you live with your parents still
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
