We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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