I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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