if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Randomize
