Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
