You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
