also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
