You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
