and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
