At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
