Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
