...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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