dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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