There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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