Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
