Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize