he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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