I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
