lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
