I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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