Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize