So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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