i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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