Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
