Sober January is a disaster.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
