Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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