Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
