just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
