Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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