My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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