Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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