he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just invented taco cereal.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
