She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
