But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
