she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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