Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
