Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was confusing and full of hummus
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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