Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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