His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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