I'm gonna have a badass scar
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
