Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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