On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
