well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently you make a good broom.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i have two assholes
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
