is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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