we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
