Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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