it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
