Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
