Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
