Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
