Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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