She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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