you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just found a bag of teeth...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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