I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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