I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
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