Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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