you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize