She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
